This article was written by Kristin, one of our valued contributing writers at The Other Team.
Being in a committed lesbian relationship can sometimes be a challenge. Loving and being loved are the best feelings in the world and everyone should experience them. Finding the right person can be hard, but sometimes finding out if the person you have is the right person can be even harder. Sometimes you get into a relationship and start to really care for one another… until you get down to the nitty gritty. Before you fully commit yourselves, there are a few questions that should be asked.
Are you compatible?
Age differences shouldn’t matter (until you get to the breaking-the-law sort). It may bother you after a while when your girlfriend is going out drinking with her friends and you either aren’t old enough to or are WAY over that phase. Finding out if you are on the same maturity level can be a problem. Your interests may conflict and that could lead to problems.
Sense of humor is a big thing that affects me. I don’t think I could possibly be with someone that doesn’t laugh at my jokes. At the very least I need someone who doesn’t roll their eyes at the punch line. I need someone who can sit and watch any given Eddie Izzard skit with me about seven million times and put up with me quoting my favorite parts for the next month or so. If you are like this, make sure that you don’t find yourself falling for a no nonsense gal.
While you may feel weird about getting into a subject like this early in the relationship, marriage and children can be a deal breaker. I’ve been acting out my wedding since the age of seven. I would get married to an imaginary friend, climb on top of the monkey bars for the honeymoon, and then come down with a baby doll. It was pretty cliché but it’s actually what I did as a child for years every summer. I could not be with someone who didn’t want the same. Make sure you get these topics out in the open before you’re hooked on her.
Are you ready?
Now that you’ve dealt with the compatibility, are you even ready to take things to the next level? Trusting someone with your heart is not an easy task. The ups of a relationship can take your happiness above and beyond what you’ve ever felt before. As you may have guess (and may know by experience) the downs definitely suck.
Before you really commit yourself you need to decide if this relationship is what you want. It’s better to face any doubts you have now instead of waiting years and then breaking things off when it has become too personal to handle. It may be hard because the relationship has so much potential but getting out sooner rather than later can give yourself time to regroup and try to find a relationship that is better for you, while not dragging out a half hearted relationship for your soon to be ex.
Fighting is a really terrible but necessary thing that happens in relationships. Unless of course you’ve never fought with your partner, in which case you should be writing this article. While I would love to be in a relationship like that, fighting is perfectly normal for couples to do. If you’re doing it constantly it’s not a good thing though. Having more fights than having good times is something you need to address. If you’re constantly fighting you might not be ready for a serious relationship with this person.
Are you spending too much time together?
This may seem like a silly question to someone that may not have been in a relationship before but it can be a bad sign. Spending too much time together can destroy a relationship. If you spend every second of every day with each other you will know just about everything there is to know about her. You won’t find out any new facts about each other because you have already heard them. You may run out of things to talk about. You could easily find yourself annoyed by having the same discussions or hearing the same stories over and over again.
A great way to help this is by taking a night or two (minimum) a week for family and/or friends. You both will need the space and it will definitely give you something to talk about together. Plus it won’t hurt to have an outlet to confide your relationship in. They can help you step back from the situations you may be having and really help you get a clear head.
Another thing to be aware of is if she’s pulling away. You don’t want her to feel smothered! People need some personal space. Tell her to go hang out with her friends and have a “you” night. You both will feel refreshed and ready to get back to business when she gets home.
Anything else you want to add?
A few more things I want to add are on family, moving in together and money. I won’t go too far in to detail on these subjects to refrain from repetition on previous and future articles! These are a few more things you should definitely consider though.
Family may or may not play a big part of your life, and the same goes for your lady. The more serious you get with a girl, the more you may see of her family. It’s always a serious adjustment for families to meet. The social norms may be completely different in your family than hers. You have to try to be accepting of any curveball thrown your way. Remember, it’s for your girl!
Moving in together is probably the biggest step you are going to have to take together until you are married or committed to each other. You don’t really know someone until you live with them. You find out everything from the number of hours she watches TV to if she replaces the toilet paper roll. If either of you already have roommates or if you two are planning on getting roommates, that’s an even bigger battle to face. You could be on edge over the smallest things. You also might be signing a new lease together. I would definitely recommend testing the waters before taking this plunge.
Another adult like thing that may separate you is money. One of you may make more than the other. You might be a money saver and she could spend money like it is on fire. Make sure you figure out your money keeping techniques before you open a joint checking account.