What’s your type? Is it more physical or personality?
It’s fairly natural in life to have what’s known as a ‘type’. A type can be a collection of physical or personality traits that instantly peak our interest or arousal in a particular partner. Your type will automatically have an advantage over other people who may want to be in your life romantically, simply because you’re wired to see them first. Unfortunately, having a type doesn’t always ensure they’re the best choice for you. For this reason, it’s worth thinking about your motivations and asking yourself a few key questions.
How has it worked out for you, so far?
This is the most telling question to ask yourself because very little beats the real data found within your dating history. We’re all very good at remembering the symptoms of difficult relationships, actions that hurt us, or hurt our partner. Rarely however, do we look beneath this at the root cause of how the symptoms were able to occur in the first place.
Let’s say that your type of woman is blond, or that your type of man is one who is extremely wealthy. How healthy or fulfilling have previous relationships been which have met with these criteria? And how have your preferences for this type of person affected the decisions you’ve made within the relationship? Very often people will tolerate unacceptable behaviour from a lover because they’re good looking, rich or have an emotional vulnerability they feel needs to be protected. It’s easy to become lost inside the role you hope to play for someone, or the one you wish them to play for you, but this shouldn’t trump everything.
When your type of partner starts to affect your ability to attain the future you want, it’s time to reassess your motives and how important some of your more fickle needs are. For example, if you meet a woman who is everything you ever dreamed but who doesn’t have blond hair, you’d be a fool to give her up. There comes a time when you have to look at people as the package they present, not a set of isolated parts you can choose between.
On the flipside, never give up on an attribute that truly has an impact on your serious life goals. If you desire a man who is emotionally stable, or a woman who doesn’t want children, then that’s your right and it will have a huge impact on your futures together.
What part of you craves your type?
You may not have thought about this before, but the qualities you look for in a partner, no matter whether they’re shallow or particularly deep, can and will say a lot about yourself. Knowing exactly why you need a woman who has her own financial stability, or a man who doesn’t already have children, will help your deliberations if you’re ever in a situation with a difficult choice to make.
If we use the example of a woman that only wants to date men who don’t have children, we can look at it in a number of ways. There are women who need to come first in their partner’s life and who find having anyone in front of them threatening. This may be fuelled by an insecurity they have. It could manifest as a problem with trust or jealousy and be aimed at either the man’s children or the children’s mother. To be clear, this isn’t to say people are intentionally being negative or difficult when having a particular type of partner, simply that they may be motivated by past experiences and seeking only to keep themselves emotionally safe.
Likewise, a man who is only interested in dating women with money may crave this type of partner because he’s insecure about being used, or fearful that he’s not equipped to play any provider role expected of him.
Where possible, look at the preferences you have, attempt to trace them back to a feeling or expectation you carry with you in certain situations. It may be that some of your must-haves are purely for aesthetic purposes, but other more serious desires may be holding you back in ways that are completely unnecessary.
What are you missing out on?
The whole point behind this article is to encourage you to begin thinking outside of your type and stop moving through relationships using out-dated programming. This applies mostly to those of you who are serial daters, have trouble finding love, or who are so caught up in repeating the same patterns that you can no longer see the real face of the problem. Again, the symptoms are not the problem and continuing to focus on them will keep you moving in circles.
When you stick to dating one type of person, unsuccessfully, you’re undoubtedly missing out on an entire world of opportunities. It’s recommended that you ask yourself honestly if chasing after what you think is right for you, is worth missing out on what may be a better option. What exactly do you have to lose?
When you love bad boys you have to accept what comes with this choice. So how about trialling a relationship with a good boy who has a wild streak? When you only date women who are a size ten, you may have an amazing sex life because your attraction to them is at it’s peak. However, is turning down a date with a size 14 woman worth it, if she could be the perfect match in every other way?
Love is not always as clear-cut as you may like it to be. Yes, there are thousands of apps all based around being precise with what you do and don’t want, but being rigid isn’t always helpful. Sometimes the real pot of gold is standing right in front of you, don’t miss it because you’re busy gazing at the end of the rainbow.
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