How to stay true to your masculine energy in a relationship
There’s a misguided belief these days that women are stronger than ever before, when really the truth is that they have always been strong. The only difference now is that there are greater opportunities and avenues in which to express it.
Unfortunately, some men can find the idea and reality of dating a strong and independent woman intimidating. The misconceptions around what these women need and expect is confusing, and when human beings are confused it can have a negative impact on the ultimate goals trying to be achieved. In this case, that goal is love and companionship.
The advice that we want to impart today is the necessity of staying true to your masculine energy, whatever that feels like for you. Regardless of who is standing in front of you, the one thing you must be, always, is exactly who you are.
Chivalry is allowed
Chivalry is a behaviour that time and time again men refrain from, for fear of it being interpreted as patronising or even insulting. Any woman who is insulted, feels belittled or threatened by having a man pull out a chair or open a door, will have her own self-work that needs to take place. It is important that you don’t absorb this into your own psyche or change what is natural to you because of it.
If a core part of your masculine energy is about offering protection or security to the other people around you, then embrace this. There is little wrong with wanting to help the woman in your life, improve a situation or make something right that has gone wrong. Don’t be afraid to take the lead in your own life as well as within your relationship. If this is genuinely who you are, express it. There is a big difference between taking control and being over-bearing, or being sure and being arrogant, so don’t be ashamed to honour your impulses.
Respect your own needs
Listen to what your partner wants and needs from your relationship but don’t allow this to overshadow the things that are important to you. There can be much focus on the man as provider in relationships, the giver of stability and security, but actually you need to provide yourself with these things first, before you can genuinely and consistently supply them to others. We all like to please those that we’re closest to, but it can’t be done healthily if it’s at the detriment of ourselves.
Staying true to your masculine energy means tapping into your life force and making decisions that serve you as much as those who need you. If you have no resect for your own mental and emotional survival, then you can’t ask or expect another person to. Consider what makes you the man that you are. What activities or feelings are essential to maintain this? Once you know, honour them and make sure those around you do too.
Don’t assume that vulnerability is purely the domain of women. Vulnerability is the domain of human beings and without it we can’t live a full and connected life to those around us. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean living in a state of insecurity or leaving yourself so open that anyone is able to walk in and take advantage. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is about knowing when it’s in your best interest to let your guard down and invite specific people in.
Being a man is as much about acknowledging any weaknesses you have, as well as the strengths that sit along side them. Shutting down parts of your personality will only have them re-surface in other ways, so where possible aim straight at the heart of the matter. Grab a hold of challenges before they grab a hold of you.
Cultivate your alertness
This may be one that isn’t obviously apparent, but being alert is a true skill that can be harnessed and tended to as part of your masculinity. Much like a woman’s intuition, your ability to suss out changes in environment and situations is an innate skill and shouldn’t be ignored for the sake of appearing laid back or easy-going. Always be confident saying what you see and, if necessary, acting upon it.
Written by Tori Ufondu for Macbeth Matchmaking