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As in any relationship where reciprocity is present, when we are dating somebody, certain expectations regarding the status and label of the connection are going to surface. Wanting to establish the type of nexus that is being held for certain is definitely a normal step every couple has to go through –but what happens when this isn’t entirely welcomed? We could be in the presence of signs of commitment issues.
Commitment issues can be confused for lack of love or even rejection, so it is important to know exactly what they look like; that way we can work on ways to eliminate or minimize their presence in our relationships.
Whether you feel like examining your own behavior or your partner’s, there are ways in which you can be more vigilant about these commitment issues:
Any of these scenarios should lead to deep positive conversations that establish what is going on with both of you. If they aren’t, then the next step is to look for much more evident signs of commitment issues.
We already understand how and when to look for them, but what are the specific signs of commitment issues?
As a dating agency that ensures our clientele’s match compatibility, we know there are three main signs of commitment issues in a person: avoidance, deflection and detachment. We will explain further how they really look like, but as an overall look, these are the signs you would look for in any of the previous scenarios when it seems the person isn’t ready to move further.
Any topic regarding where the relationship is going, where it is at the moment and what feelings are linked to it, is avoided or ignored. People don’t tend to avoid talking about things they are comfortable about, much less if it’s in the context of a relationship.
When someone is avoiding certain topics despite there being an interest in discussing them coming from their partner, they could be afraid of talking about these things because for them it makes commitment an apparent thing that has to be dealt with, which turns everything into a far more serious situation than they thought it would be.
Changing topics, or making light of them, are things that someone who has fear of commitment normally does to take control of the situation and how it makes them feel. A question of where the relationship is headed can be turned into a silly joke to not face the seriousness it entails, and in the same fashion, the topic could be flipped to a completely unrelated idea that blocks the purpose of the conversation.
However they do it, deflection is typically a response linked to commitment issues, and much like avoidance it’s present in people who do not wish to discuss anything regarding relationships in a serious tone.
Clearly detachment is commitment’s arch nemesis, but sometimes we can confuse an easy-going outlook in life with detachment and vice versa, which is why we think it is important to dissect it as a sign of commitment issues.
This is probably something that can be noticed in a broader range of situations, but a common one would be, for instance, if someone you’re dating is able to always discuss the future without ever mentioning you as a part of it. Another one is if they can talk about, and assign, labels to what you have, but not understand the importance behind it or even care enough to put effort in it.
The causes of commitment problems can vary from person to person; childhood and family related trauma is one of them, as someone’s upbringing is directly linked to the way they relate to others. But scarring dating experiences or relationships can also be the reason why someone is so fidgety about starting something serious all over again.
It is important to try to talk about these issues and the reason they may be occurring, and if needed, ask for professional help to work things out.
At Macbeth Matchmaking we take commitment very seriously –both the one you’re looking for in a partner, and the one we establish with you to help find them.
Our personalized matchmaking process makes sure to take all of your needs into account so that deep, positive conversations about the future come as easy as ever. Don’t miss out on that; fill out our form and start your love journey today!