A break from dating doesn’t mean giving up
With the amount of emotion and expectation involved in trying to find Mr or Miss Right, it’s no wonder some people find it necessary to take regular breaks from dating. When things are going well it’s easy, if not natural to begin daydreaming of marriage and a happily ever after. Likewise, in the rough times it’s all about swearing off dating for life.
In this blog, we want to make it clear that moving from one extreme to the other doesn’t need to be a negative experience, and that there’s a huge difference between giving up and taking a little time out.
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It’s okay to take a break
One of the issues with dating is that we can separate it so completely from our behaviour in the rest of our lives. We all take breaks from work, to rest and recuperate. We take alone time from family and friends, or we give our bodies a rest from exercise and excessive nights out. By taking these timeouts it’s not to say we don’t love what we’re leaving behind, or that we no longer aspire to the same goals, it’s simply we recognise that too much of anything will take its toll. The same can be said of continuous dating that doesn’t include a minute to step back and reassess where any improvements could be made.
Deciding that you’ve had one too many bad dates that you don’t want to repeat, or one too many good ones that have led nowhere, is an extremely self aware and conscious way to run your relationship life. Forging forward blindly and ignoring all the signs that your approach or priorities may need to change, isn’t the most helpful method to find love. Not regularly reviewing what’s happening can mean you start to miss the subtleties of dating. You may begin making assumptions about people and either give them too much or, too little time when assessing your joint compatibility.
Don’t let dating fatigue put minor obstacles in the way of who might be the perfectly right partner for you. Just because he or she is wearing shoes you think are hideous, doesn’t mean their other sixty pairs aren’t fabulous.
Reassess what you desire
Choosing to take a break is best done from a calm and centred, rather than reactionary state of mind. This means you’re involving positive emotions in the process and not purely responding to or acting on negative ones. This temporary break from dating is a prime time to reassess your goals and ensure that not only are you clear about what you want, but that you are also clearly expressing it to those you come into contact with.
It’s healthy and highly advised that from time to time you revisit what you think you want out of love. Does it still send your heart all aflutter, do the same prospects still excite you, are you still offering what you were last year?
Reworking your dating profile based on new experiences or realisations that you’ve had keeps your preferences up to date and keeps you learning and growing as an individual. There is little more attractive than someone who is confident about what they want out of life.
Sometimes we think we know what we want and it’s not until we get it that we realise we either haven’t been as specific as we should have been, or that we have totally overlooked something vital we should have considered. For example, perhaps you’ve previously focused on wanting a supportive partner, but you forgot that their own financial independence is also crucial to how you see your futures together. Or, you may have been utterly sure that you want a partner who has the same desire to have children, but you didn’t realise that their openness to emigrating, or their ability to be emotionally available is just as big a priority for you.
We understand that it’s hard to cover all the bases when you first begin to date and that there will always be a certain level of change and compromise from person to person. However, this is exactly why it makes sense that you use your siesta from dating as a chance to learn from your experiences and get ultra clear about anything you’ve missed or overlooked.
Appreciate non-dating life
When on the constant lookout for a partner it’s not unusual to forget how many positive and underrated aspects there are to single life. Whilst it can of course feel lonely or isolating for some, there is an inherent freedom which should be taken full advantage of where possible.
Travelling, exploring ambitions, education goals or totally revamping your life are ventures you can grab with a moment’s notice when there’s no need to seek someone else’s opinion or blessing. It’s true that not everyone has lofty goals or experiences that they’re desperate to have but if you do, during a dating break is perfect timing. Take the opportunity to plunge into some of these bucket list moments and let them, in turn, help you to inform your next move and dating priorities.
When you return to dating from your little hiatus, we would go so far as to guarantee you’ll be revitalised in a way that will make you far more focused on finding what or who is best for you. You’ll see dating with a fresh set of eyes, be a little more patient with yourself, a little bit more sure when something is right or wrong for you. As well as a new level of confidence, your relaxed glow will see you become more appealing to potential partners.
If this isn’t how you feel, never be ashamed or nervous about seeking professional help from a coach or matchmaker, to really dig deep into your preferences. The confidence of knowing when it’s time to get help, get back in the dating ring, or sit this one out, is not to be underestimated.