Men, this is how to date a dominant, powerful woman.
Dating a dominant woman can be a steep learning curve for the uninitiated amongst you. It’s likely that when doing so you’ll fall into one of three categories; threatened, nonchalant, or proud. It’s important to identify which you’re in and to decide if that position best represents who you are. Here we’re focusing on those of you who are either nonchalant or proud to be with a woman who is dominant. This is what you need to know.
It may have zero to do with you
Her distrust or lack of faith in your abilities as a man, partner or father may actually have very little to do with you. Women either assume control in situations because they have extremely fixed ideas about how something should be done or, because they have reason to believe they’re the only one capable of correctly completing a task.
If you‘re dating a woman who is used to broken promises and men who have failed to value the things that are important to her, you will need to prove yourself before any real control is shared. Unfortunately, it’s quicker for a dominant woman to do something herself, than watch you get it wrong and have to redo it. Having said this, you will be tested, so do your best when the opportunity arises and she may loosen up.
She doesn’t want to be in charge full time
No matter how powerful, motivated or successful she is, her goal in life is not to be switched on and in control 100 per cent of the time. It’s not.
However minor the action you take that enables her to let go, it will be appreciated by a dominant woman more than you can imagine. This doesn’t mean you can cook dinner once a month, or take the bins out weekly and expect gushing adulation, no. It means that if you see her doing something you’re perfectly capable of doing, in the way she likes (this is key!), you should try to help or take over. Free up any snippets of time she can use to relax and let go.
Remember, you’re not staff
Becoming seen as ‘the help’ happens so very easily when you allow yourself to be directed like someone who’s on the payroll. If you have to be told what to do around the house, told what the weekend plans are, told when to pick up the children… all you’re doing is creating more work for your woman. It’s unsurprising then, that you either slip into the category of children or staff – people who must be managed to keep routines and plans from falling apart.
Manage your own time and some of your shared time. Know what is happening, when, and have some input into the decision making process. Answers that consist of ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t mind’ are neither helpful nor an opinion.
Every so often, insist on something
From time to time you must absolutely insist with a dominant woman. It should be related to something that really matters to her and you must set an intention behind your insistence. By this, we mean your intention is to show her you can provide something she needs. The point is that you’ve got this and it means something to both of you.
You don’t have to explain how or why you’re gong to achieve it, this is about giving her the opportunity to trust you, to step back and recognise her own controlling behaviour when it’s interrupted by your certainty that you’ll get a job done.
This will be hard for her but it’s your right to be free to do things for the woman you love.
Set yourself apart
Don’t just ask her about her latest project – everyone does that. Don’t only ask about what she’s doing in life, ask her how she’s feeling. Often, high-powered women don’t get a lot of time to check-in on their feelings and unfortunately, they occasionally have to be reminded that they’re not machines. Be the one who reminds her that yes, she is strong, but that she is also human, vulnerable, sexy and sweet.
Okay, she may be set in her ways but guess what… this is a partnership. She may like to eat dinner late, but if you like it early then challenge why there isn’t a compromise in place. If she thinks you’re lazy, challenge by reminding her how controlling she can be and how difficult it is to ‘do’ around her.
Challenge from a place of love and facts, not anger or frustration. It will give her space to grow into someone who sees you as safe, who is willing to be more and do more for her, as long as she acknowledges that you too have needs.
Set boundaries and rules
It can be whatever is meaningful to you, so perhaps no phones at dinner, no putting you down, no moaning about you to friends or family. You should always expect respect, or you both need to move on and find people you’re more compatible with.
Being dominant, particular, or having high standards is not shorthand for simply being a bully. You must be able to step into your full power in these moments and be extremely clear about what is acceptable and what’s not.
Carve out zones that she is well aware are your domain. Whether in the bedroom, kitchen, with the family, car or whatever – you must have places where your authority or control is trusted and rarely challenged. Once you agree on that, it’s a cue for her to let go at these times.
Stay true to who you are
If it’s not who you are, then don’t take her dominance as a cue to be the most submissive version of yourself. If you find yourself being worn down then there’s a problem. Men who are sure in themselves do very well with dominant women because her power is not seen as a negative reflection on their masculinity.
Stay opinionated, stay employed, stay ambitious and relevant. Use her fuel to become even better and stronger, not weaker or less sure of yourself.
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