Is your dating life going too well?
Is your dating life going too well?
We’re used to hearing tales of woe and difficulty when it comes to dating life. Everyone who has ever had the experience of looking for love has, at some time or another, felt frustrated by the results they’re getting. It might be you keep meeting men or women to whom you’re not physically attracted, or ones who fail to stimulate you intellectually. How many of you however, have had the opposite problem? That is, the pleasure of being frustrated for a positive reason? How many of you have gone on more than one date and ended up wanting a relationship with all the people you’ve met? Here enters the conundrum.
If you’re connecting with singles in Zurich and flirting with weekend dating in Paris, what do you do if they all feel like the perfect match for you? Well, we have some ideas on how to make a choice, or at very least cut down the options in front of you.
Know that multiple options are now the norm
In the past, dating one person at a time and taking a very linear approach to finding love was considered normal, polite even. If you had a successful match it meant no need to continue searching but, if it was a total washout you could simply dry clean your date outfit ready for the next time. Now however, speaking with more than one person and having dates lined up for every night of the week isn’t unheard of and neither is asking your companion ‘have you met anyone else from the site/app’ or ‘are you talking to anyone else?’ Hedging your bets, whether via email, text or continuing to swipe right, is virtually expected.
Temporarily switch off the devices & shut down the apps
If you’ve already found multiple people who present you with a real and significant chance of love, our first piece of advice to you is to stop looking for more. Yes, we said it, stop. Continuing to search, find and interact with more love interests will be taking a huge amount of time away from getting to know the ones who have already made your cut. We liken this to cooking lunch at the same time as you’re sitting down to eat breakfast, and then prepping dinner just as you’re getting up from lunch. It can all get very confusing pretty quickly, the experience is diluted and the capacity for enjoyment never fully realised.
As tech obsessed as most of us are, it’s necessary to stop and realise that nothing is going to beat the real-time chemistry and connection you have with a person. This means that as well as silencing the apps, suspending memberships and telling your matchmaker to hold-fire on sending more possible partners, you also shut down the texting, emailing and start spending real time with your dates. Get to know them in the flesh, see if the feelings you have are real, sustainable and most importantly, reciprocated.
Use the freedom to be honest about who you are
You’re on to a winner if you’re in the enviable space of being spoilt for choice. Embrace this moment in your dating and relationship life and use it as inspiration to be completely honest in the early stages.
It’s not uncommon for people to play down some of their quirks, or to pretend entirely that they don’t have any, when first getting to know each other. To efficiently whittle down your larger than usual selection, you have the option of placing all of your quirks on the table right at the beginning and observing how they’re received. We’re not suggesting you reveal all your deepest darkest secrets on date number two, just that you’re perhaps a little more liberal than when you feel your options are limited.
Give the respect you want to receive
This is about being respectful to everyone involved in your dating circle. It’s essential, in our opinion, that if you’re dating, seeing, speaking, texting, swiping with multiple matches, you’re transparent with each of them about it. Things can get very convoluted if juggling different romances is a secret you need to hide. It’s only fair that the people you date are aware that they a) can also hedge their own bets and see multiple people and b) may lose out to another match who is actively competing for your heart.
It’s worth noting too, that the reaction you get from being clear with each person may in turn help with the decision you’re trying to make.
Don’t test people for the sake of it
It can be a mild ego trip to have the pick of the dating crop, but we advise you to not let it go to your head. When people feel like they have multiple options in life and little to lose, they can become a careless, occasionally smug and at worst, even begin to act in ways that are out of character and do a disservice to who they really are.
Ensure the people you’re dating are seeing the real you and that any connection is based on this. You’ve found yourself with a golden opportunity, so don’t waste it by becoming overwhelmed and acting out.
Remember, it’s not a sure-win
As harsh as it may seem, we want you to be aware that regardless of the amount of choices you currently have, Mr or Miss Right still may not be amongst them. Try not to be too disheartened if the one that you’re searching for to share your life with isn’t in this bumper crop of potential partners that you’re currently seeing. Don’t feel you have to choose anyone from this selection. Instead, rely on your intuition and if it turns out your matchmaker needs to go back to the drawing board, then so be it.