Want to experiment with different partners?
In each decade of our lives dating can be vastly different to what we’ve previously experienced, and rightly so. As we change, so too do our needs and it’s extremely beneficial to not only recognise this, but to honour the evolution.
When we’re young, the choices we make are generally governed by our environment and dating can usually go one of two ways. Either we date with wild abandon, experimenting with different races, cultures and ages or, we have extremely fixed ideas about what it is we like and are attracted to. Neither of these routes are wrong, however, the latter may have led some of you here now, longing for something new later in life.
For those of you who have never had the opportunity to experiment, or who feel nostalgic for a former time of experimentation, have a think about these next few points before diving into the deep end.
What is your current situation?
If you’re single and have a decent amount of freedom, then there’s very little to truly stop you expressing your desire for new partners. As mentioned, one of the reasons we stick to what we know is the weight of environmental and external pressures. If there are family or friends, with particularly rigid views on what’s acceptable, it can be difficult to break free of their judgement. If your starting point is indeed overcoming this sort of hurdle then the very first thing you need to think about is whom exactly you’re living for. Are the opinions of other people really what you want leading and limiting your life choices, stopping you from exploring all avenues to love?
In a relationship?
It’s not unheard of for individuals who are dating or married to begin getting itchy feet and curious about life outside of their relationship. If this is you, then for obvious reasons you’ll need to tread a lot more carefully than a single person might.
Some couples function extremely healthily with open relationships and these can take on a multitude of different forms. Sometimes both individuals are free to separately experiment outside of the couple, or a condition is that anyone new is brought into the existing fold for joint play and experiences. The only way this can ever be done successfully is if there is very strong communication, with both excellent talking and listening skills.
What is it you’re looking for?
It’s highly unlikely that you simply woke up one morning and decided you want to experiment with different partners in your love or sex life. Whilst you may be ready to date any and everyone that now crosses your path, it’s really useful if you first stop for a moment and think about what your goal is.
What is it you’re looking to experience, do you want to learn more about yourself, or are you more interested in learning about other people and filling the knowledge gaps you feel you have? Consider whether you’re looking for love, or simply hoping to play and whether you feel experimentation is something for the short term, or the way forward for the foreseeable future. Of course, you don’t need to have all the answers to these questions immediately, but they are ones it’s worthwhile noting and spending time with.
The more you understand your own motives, the more you are able to express these to other people and ensure everyone is on the same page.
Why is now the best time?
What is happening in your life that makes now a great time to begin experimenting with different romantic or sexual partners? It may be that it’s something you have always wanted to do or a feeling that’s crept up on you over time, but you should make this decision in conjunction with a study on what is currently happening in your life. Even our carnal desires can have deep roots in the mental and unfortunately, our lusts aren’t always because at heart we’re just wonderfully free spirits.
There are no right or wrong answers to be had, however, you need to know if you’re running away from, or towards something. Whilst being liberated to date who and whenever you like can be just the ticket needed to find yourself and your truth, what you don’t want is to find out it’s just your bad attempt at escaping problems in your current life. These are better solved in other ways. Using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut is overkill, as is sleeping with anything that walks because your husband only wants sex 3 times a week. Think about what you’re doing.
What are your boundaries?
Whether you’re experimenting alone or as part of a couple it’s vital that you set boundaries and know the limitations of exactly what you will and won’t do. Are you interested in different genders, different religions and cultures, or do you simply want to date someone who is older than your usual choices? Do you want to try this new life in private and keep it totally separate from your regular life, are you expecting all involved to do the same, or are pictures of your trysts going into the friends and family album?
If you don’t know what your hard limits are then there is the chance you may not get what you need, or that you may get more than you bargained for. Be clear is our overall message.
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